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April Fools: Twilight fans HATE Hunger Games’ success

We thank Savanna New of for pointing this out. We think you’ll get a real kick out of THIS STORY which ran on

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‘Twilight’ fans distraught over ‘Hunger Games’ success

By Jeff Kazmierski

twilightfans Photo by Joe Shearer/The Gateway

UNO freshman and “Twilight” fan Vincent Darkweather (above) mourns the recent success of the acclaimed “Hunger Games” book and film series.

“The Hunger Games” had a huge opening last weekend, raking in over $150 million in ticket sales and pleasing fans and producers alike. Its projected sales for its second weekend are $72 million, more than $2 million above original expectations. Overall, the movie appears destined to be a crowd-pleasing film, exceeding the take for its most prominent competitor, the “Twilight” movies.

But not everyone is happy. Omaha area “Twilight” fans, or “Twihards,” have been noticeably upset about the turn of events. Complaining on Twitter, Facebook and whatever lame-ass sparkly-vampire themed discussion boards they frequent, commentary has been bitter and vitriolic, bordering on delusional.

“It really sucks,” wrote Brittanie Glitterbum on her Facebook page. “Like, Edward is soooo much more manly than Peeta, or whatever his name is.”

Other Twihards complained about the movie’s lack of a completely pathetic female character.

“Who does Katniss think she is, anyway?” said moviegoer Alice Sparkles. “Shooting arrows and stuff, that’s what the boys do. She’s supposed to do stupid stuff and get in trouble so the guys can save her.”

But while most of the discussions centered on the characters and their lack of supernatural powers, some slightly more intelligent Twilight fans actually talked about the movies’ plots. Many were disturbed by the fact that “The Hunger Games” actually had one, which made the movie difficult for most Twihards to follow.

“There’s too much stuff happening,” Twilight fan Suzie Fanglover said after walking out of “The Hunger Games” within the first two minutes. “It makes my head hurt.”

Regardless of the ill will from Twilight fans, ticket sales for “The Hunger Games” show no sign of slowing down, and may, God willing, prove a serious challenge for the second installment of “Breaking Dawn” later this summer.

“We hope the success of ‘The Hunger Games’ means a brighter future for movies with plot, action and a discernable storyline,” LionsGate spokesman Joe Goodflicks said in an interview with Rolling Stone. “We have big plans for more such films, and look forward to kicking Edward Cullen’s pasty, white, sparkly ass.”

We don’t want to gang up on Twilight too much, but there is some pretty intelligent satire in this article. You have to admit — this is good stuff!

See full piece HERE!

By Kait

Kait is a New Englander, a YA book and adaptation lover, and a Slythindor, as well as a red velvet and red wine enthusiast. She likes to like things. Catch her on Twitter: @kaitmary

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